Are you a workplace bitch? Ouch!
Or is what others see what they get?
University of Virginia research has found that most people lie once or twice a day and over a course of a week they deceive about 30% of those with whom they interact.
We even appear to deceive those we love the most as Psychology Today reports “85% of couples interviewed reported that one or both partners had lied about past relationships or recent indiscretions”.
In a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, DePaulo and Deborah A Kashy, PHD, of Texas University report that frequent liars tend to be manipulative and machiavellian – cunning, scheming, devious – and overly concerned with the impression they make on others – so being a bitch is linked to a lack of self-esteem – well we knew that!
In our experience both men and women can indulge in relationship deception – being two faced.
So where are you? Do you share your true thoughts, beliefs & opinions with the world or is there a secret you, and then the you that you show to just some people? Do you change and manipulate yourself to impress, to fit in, to ease boredom, to make life more interesting? By indulging in this way at work we press self-destruct to who we really are at heart. At the same time this negative behaviour contributes to a “them & us” and more negative workplace culture – which we may even then blame on our manager, leader or employer!!
At Courageous Success we know that people are good at heart. No one has “Bitching Deception” as an iAM value. So why do so many people at work do it?
In a 2010 study published in the Journal of Personality, Wake Forest University psychologist William Flesson shares that authentic people not only take the time to ponder their perspective on life and the experiences that led them there, but they easily share this “true self” with others around them. The research also revealed that being genuine consistently goes hand in hand with being emotionally stable and intellectual.
So why do some people behave with such toxin – and is it within our control?
It is clear from our research that the more negative behaviours you indulge in the worst you will feel about yourself, creating a negative cycle of self-doubt. We also know when we are being two faced! But as with all behaviours, patterns are defined and neuroplasticity creates negative habits. We defend our children against it, get cross when it happens close to home, and yet some still indulge in it. So what is it bringing us? Top line…
- Power, a sense of superiority over others.
- Drama, it can be more exciting than just focusing and getting on with your work.
- Camaraderie, being liked and bonding on negatives.
- Interest – breaking out of a routine for variety and sometimes a bit of naughty fun!
For as long as some of us choose to indulge and get these perceived benefits the longer we’ll be searching for consistent wellbeing and happiness.
So, as co-workers, managers, leaders how can you control this impulse in yourself and how can you eradicate it from where you work?
You – it starts with you. Being two faced is a choice.
Choose to be consciously kind,
see the best, expect not to be judged by
others and drop any brittle barrier.
Choose to behave as a force for good. Choose to be the real you.
Our top tips for dealing with it in others;
- Refuse to indulge in it.
- Challenge it. Exclude those with negative behaviour – make there be a consequence.
- Set ground rules, from your employment contract to the agreed meeting rules.
- Implement boundaries around you and your work practices. Publish values around inclusion, kindness and goodness.
- Know that it’s not about you. Have compassion. Being negative, toxic, two faced leads to bitterness and it’s a horrible place to exist.