Give me recognition or I’ll look for another job!
Last week Liz ran a UK webinar ‘Inspiring People’ for the IGD, attended by people internationally. In the webinar we polled the ‘webinarees’ to explore their confidence in themselves…and how they get more of it!
When we adjusted the figures based on an 81% engagement level (Liz is quite chuffed with that!) these were the striking results:
- 88% agreed that ‘I have times when I doubt myself’.
- 79% agreed that they’d internally use words like doubting, worrier, overthinking, lacking confidence, being over sensitive and insecure when describing themselves.
- 74% would like to change this and move from relying on external influences for their confidence to relying on themselves for their confidence.
- The favourite external confidence strategy is recognition (as always!) with 56% using it as a primary confidence builder, followed by control & planning (25%) and support from others (19%).
No wonder 24% of us are looking for a new job!
We have to move away from looking outside of ourselves for our confidence and start to build up our inner resilience using positive self-belief and self-talk.
To explain further, in your head you have two filing cabinets. One contains your positive thoughts about yourself and the world around you – I can do anything, I am a good guy, I am a great manager of people, I listen brilliantly – and the other contains your negative thoughts – I am not great at my job, I am going to get found out, I am not as confident as people think I am, I am actually quite boring.
We know that in 98% of cases the negative draw wins the consciousness battle in our heads, we all doubt ourselves – hence the fascinating stats above.
So what can we do?
Firstly, we have to want to change…many of us play the martyr and get power and attention by being ‘poor me’, but we all know that it actually feels rubbish to be in this place! Instead we have to choose to want to change and accept that we have to rely upon ourselves for our confidence. Then…
- Open the filing cabinets.
- Challenge what’s in the negative one – who told you you were boring and were they worth believing?
- What have these negative beliefs cost you and what will you lose out on in the future if you continue to let them rule you?
- What’s crazy about you – the real you – of all people, believing that you are not good enough?
- Take action…then open the positive filing cabinet.
Mentally open the files and list on paper your favourites…
- What makes you great at what you do?
- What would you love about working with or for you?
- What are your strengths?
- List them – at least five of them.
- Memorise them…Fredrickson (famous in the positive psychology movement and currently professor of psychology at the University of North Carolina) shares that due to fight or flight we have to be five times more conscious of our positives to overrule the negatives.
You need to nail this list and know it and believe it.
Recognition is nice, but don’t let a lack of it push you into looking for another job!
Come and join us at the IGD Leading Edge Annual Conference, ‘Challenge Your Courage, Challenge Your Limits’, 8th September in London. Find more details and how to register: http://www.igd.com/Events/Leading-Edge-Annual-Conference-2016
Find out more about Courageous Success at one of our complimentary experience days designed for HR & L&D professionals within business.
UK: now booking for 13th October 2016 and 9th February 2017,
AUS: now booking in Sydney for 13th October 2016,
USA: coming soon – watch this space.